Experts Outline Steps for Adult Sibling Ties
A licensed social worker advises siblings to renegotiate childhood roles and set firm boundaries to maintain close relationships in early adulthood.
By Rafael Collins ·
Mary Beth Garvey, LMSW, says sibling bonds require intentional maintenance as adults face more complex life demands.
Garvey, a licensed social worker with more than 25 years of experience in individual, group, and family therapy, authored part two of a two-part series for the Family Center. She notes that many siblings grow closer during the transition to early adulthood, but this shift depends on effort and commitment rather than passive history.
The expert advises families to renegotiate their dynamic by moving past historic labels such as peacemaker, troublemaker, or caretaker. She suggests that adults allow family members to shift in and out of roles instead of maintaining rigid systems. Garvey encourages siblings to ask what aspects of the relationship they may have previously overlooked.
Maintaining respect for boundaries is the second component of her framework. She states that siblings should define parameters for open discussion versus off-limits topics, such as politics or parenting styles. A respectful relationship, she explains, allows for disagreement and autonomy without judgment or unsolicited advice. This includes clarifying what mutual support looks like in adulthood.
Garvey recommends fostering a connection independent of the wider family unit. She suggests siblings spend one-on-one time together separate from holidays or large gatherings. Developing new rituals or exploring shared interests reinforces the individual relationship between brothers and sisters.
The social worker also urges families to address conflict proactively. She argues that talking kindly about difficult issues signals trust and a capacity to stay engaged. Siblings should focus on the present moment rather than bringing up past grievances or childhood events. A good apology signals accountability and helps repair the bond.
She advises against triangulation, a pattern where family members bring others into a conflict. Building trust requires talking directly with the person one is upset with. Part one of the series is available at familycenterhelps.org, where the Family Center provides free programs and resources for families.
